22 Things I've learnt about Paris.

1. The green man means nothing to Parisian drivers. Learn to say 'putain, c'est vert!' and you might just avoid getting run over.

2. Most Parisians seem to have got their driving license from a joke shop. 3 point turns on roundabouts, reversing all the way down a street, parking on a corner, parking over a crossing.... Parking bumper to bumper is not unusual. Can't get out of your parking space? Tough.

3. When street hawkers approach you rattling mini eiffel towers or trying to fix bracelets on your wrists, don't speak English. Or, just don't speak and run away.

4.  People don't tend to pick up dog poo. And a lot of Parisians have dogs.

5. Be prepared to pack your bags as fast as you can at the supermarket because the cashier will not wait until you've moved your stuff to start serving the next person. Much more importantly, if there is no 'next customer' separator  thing, wait your turn otherwise the cashier will just scan your stuff with someone elses.

6. Sometimes the train driver apparently just decides he's not stopping at your stop. He will announce this, but in a very crackly way. Who cares if you end up four stops from home?

7. You can open the doors of metros and RER's while they're still moving. Balance and timing is essential.

8. Men will call after you, ask for your number, compliment you ridiculously (I look like Madonna apparently) and make horrendous amounts of eye contact on public transport. If you're super lucky, they might even follow you down the street.

9. Listening to your iPod on the Metro? Vigorously bop your head and mouth the words, it's okay.

10. Metro stations have more than one exit. Be prepared to be miles away from your intended destination if you make the wrong choice.

11. Fresh milk doesn't exist here (Well, I haven't found it yet!). Get used to everything UHT or 'raw' milk which is completely untreated and straight from the cow.

12. You're eating dinner at 6? What are you, an animal? Dinner doesn't happen here until at least 8pm.

13. The need for personal space isn't really understood here. Oh you wanted to sit outside a cafe? Be prepared for someone to sit so close to you that your arms touch every time you pick up your drink.

14. Always respond when someone greets you! (You should do this anywhere you live, to be fair...)

15. Ca va is not equivalent to 'alright?'. If you're not interested in a conversation, don't say it.

16. Buy a big long scarf. Since I've been wearing my scarf, more and more people seem to think I belong here.

17. Getting the attention of a waiter is quite difficult. Decide you want a drink well in advance of being really thirsty.

18. American tourists are the worst tourists (well nearly all the ones I've seen). They call everything 'cute', order food obnoxiously, mispronounce all the signs and wonder why even I don't have a clue what they're talking about and they call everything 'cute'. So annoying it needed mentioning twice.

19. Although the metro is very good, walk as much as you can if you have the time. There's always something to see.

20. They don't sell single chocolate bars in smaller supermarkets. Use vending machines, newsagents or if you're feeling cheeky, buy a pack of 3 Mars Bars for 2.00. They're half the size, by the way.

21. It's not a stereotype that French people walk around with baguettes under their arms. They really do.

23. Avoid FNAC at all costs unless you have a lot of time to waste, endless patience and spare deodorant in your bag.

Bonus: Paris is ridiculously beautiful at night, everything is gold, even the river.

It should be night all the time.

Crying, sprinting, puking, climbing - lots of extreme verbs this week

Salut tout le monde! I've now been here a month and am now a 21 year old honorary Parisian. My birthday weekend was brilliant and I'm so pleased Lewis came to visit. We've now been tolerating each other for six years, and here's to sixty more!

I love you man

The beginning of the week was spent in a constant state of excitement and impatience. I realised that our uni is really close to the Jardin du Luxembourg, thanks to Niamh who took me there on Tuesday afternoon. I really need to stop taking the metro everywhere and walk. On Wednesday, I had a German presentation on Til Schweiger, which went down an absolute treat actually. I've been a bit concerned about my German, but after a few grammar lessons and that presentation, I feel much better and even managed a whole conversation in German with Joachim and Polymnia tonight. Granted, it was about chocolate but it counts, okay?

I have finally eaten some pie! It's been pretty impossible to find something even slightly resembling a steak and kidney pie here, but thanks to Joe, there was pie. Took us about three hours to cook (what is it with blokes and instructions) but it was so damn good. 

This is actually a gross picture, but it was really nice

I spent Friday wandering around Paris waiting for Lewis to arrive. I've found my new favourite shop: Freepstar. It is fantastic. I bought 2 shirts and 3 jumpers for 5 euros. I think it's my new home. Anyway, Friday was a bit of a nightmare actually because guess what? The RER B was on strike. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot. Me and Lewis had to come home super early because the trains were all messed up, nice one.

So my actual birthday was Saturday and I'm pretty privileged to have spent it by the Eiffel Tower, Sacre Couer and the Arc de Triomphe. Sacre Coeur was absolutely beautiful and well worth the climb- the view of the city from the top is actually breathtaking.

I should climb stuff more often

We had a couple of beers in an Irish pub round the corner from Sacre Coeur, where a very jolly french man played the accordion and sang 'champs elysees' and 'la vie en rose'. It was pretty French and I loved it. We were supposed to be meeting Joe at the Arc de Triomphe but we were so late, mainly because Lewis needed the toilet and I lost him in a crowd. Both my phones were dead, so I had no way of contacting them. After sprinting through the tunnel to the arch (yes, you read sprinting correctly), I asked this French man if I could use his phone. I must have told him it was an English number about 20 times, but it was all okay and we all found each other and started my birthday celebrations looking at a glittery Eiffel Tower. Pas mal!

Why do I always tilt my head like this?

We headed over to Saint Michel (which is fast becoming my favourite part of Paris, I always seem to be there) and had too many pints at a bar called Polly Magoo or something. Lewis and Joe clubbed together and bought me a white rose, which I lost later :(

It's my birthday, I'll look insane if I want to

I'm a camera hog, soz

I was worried (of course I was) about how we were going to get home as we'd long missed the RER and I had no idea how much a taxi would be, but it turned out to be 17 euros! Perfect.

Unfortunately, I spent the next morning feeling a little worse for wear and actually ended up throwing up against a tree on the way to the train station. Stay classy, Kirsty. Lewis and I did have a nice day though and ended the evening with a beer at a gay bar in le Marais. Of course we did!

I left Lewis wandering on his own today while I was at uni, and collected him afterwards. We just wandered around again, had another beer, lost Lewis' tabacco and very nearly missed his train. My room is far too empty now :(

On the brighter side of things, I HAVE A TOASTER. It was my birthday present from Joe, what a diamond. No more fried crumpets for me!

FRIED EGG ON TOAST HERE I COME

I apologise for the capitals, but maybe you don't understand. I haven't had toast in a month. That isn't right.

I also have a little job, go me right. The woman at reception here wants me to help her with her English and is going to pay me 10 euros an hour, I am actually so grateful for this!

Sadly, it's back to the real world in the morning, no more romping around Paris with my bezzer. C'est la vie.

Excusez moi, I'm full of phlegm.

 Another week has gone already in la belle France and I think I've actually become quite used to this place. There are obviously still some things that I just cannot get my head around (why do I have no oven? why can I not find lined paper?  why was there a man with a potty on his head the other day?) but for the most part, I'm settled now.

I've even been to the pharmacy and coughed all over them to visually demonstrate my illness ( I lack the vocabulary to say 'I'm going to cough up my lung'). On my second trip today, yes second, I came away with some intriguing tablets. I didn't read the instructions and so very nearly ended up choking to death outside the bakery. Turns out you have to melt them on your tongue...oops. 

The tablets that nearly took my life in broad daylight

I'm also loving the Navigo pass and I can't help sneering a little bit at the groups of tourists that fumble around the ticket barriers. Oh, les pauvres.

I'm still having name issues, but to be honest I think everyone is. I've taken to telling them my name is Marie in Starbucks. Smiles all round.

wow

On Monday after Uni, Joe and I trekked around the famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery, which was really interesting, apart from inappropriate fits of giggles (blamed on me) and very nearly crashing a funeral. We saw Oscar Wilde's and Jim Morrison's graves, which was....quite odd really, as well as loads of other ones, it was fascinating and a little bit freaky.

'it's too morbid'

Uni is going well though, apart from the amount of work, but I actually do quite enjoy it - considering I want to be a translator. The only things I don't enjoy are a)presentations, I feel sick thinking about it and b) French keyboards. Seriously, it took me like 5 minutes to write two sentences. I was almost hysterical trying to Google and Niamh had to help! 

On Wednesday night, I met Hannah at the Louvre and then we went to meet some of her English friends at a bar called Earth's Kitchen. Cocktails were 3 euros, which is pretty mental for Paris. Throw in a couple of free shots and some wine and I decided that I'd definitely missed the last RER and was crashing at Hannah's. While we were there, singing to Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake (I KNOW), I bumped into someone I went to primary and secondary school with!! We were just screaming at each other, both equally quite freaked out.

Hannah and a very creepy drawing on the street

I woke up at Hannah's in the early hours coughing my guts up and she kindly suggested I take myself outside for some air....and then I locked myself out for an hour. Sitting in a Parisian courtyard at 4am in October with no socks or jacket on, is not something I recommend. Hannah eventually rescued me and I was on the Metro at 5.30, high-tailing it back to Cachan and my bed.

For now, I'm going to enjoy some more of Agatha Christie's Mort sur le Nile and eat a croissant. A bientot!