Fleamarkets, boyworld and why I got a burnt package in the post

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Hallöchen!

Probably about time I posted again, I reckon. The last few weeks have seen their fair share of strange happenings, but would you expect any less?

Okay, so 3 Saturdays ago, I finally got around to meeting with Stephan at the cafe (otherwise known as the potential murderer). To start with, I was 15 minutes late . Not such a great start. The meeting itself was fine, apart from being attacked by wasps and the fact that he basically just spoke English and I was like, dude, we're supposed to be tandem-ing? Anyway.

So I'll get the boy gossip out of the way now. Well I was also late to meet him a few Tuesdays ago, because I was too busy sitting in a Vietnamese restaurant with S. He text me to say he was on his way and I was like, cool bro, just let me swallow this plate whole and I'll be there in 5. We went to the cinema last weekend, you remember I saw Fack ju Goethe with Sophie and crew? Probably not, but I saw the second one and it was brilliant) .

Apart from that and living in a strange, temporarily insane bubble, I have finally got a housephone (however I cannot get it to work). That was an ordeal in itself. I queued for like 10 minutes for the till lady to inform me that I was trying to buy an empty box. I came home to my long-awaited Skype headset (because my laptop is ridiculous and needs a microphone to skype) to find they were in a noticeably smoke-damaged packet. There was a letter apologising for the delay, but the warehouse caught fire. They even included a picture of the warehouse on fire. Okay, I believe you! If that wasn't enough for one Saturday, there was a fault with the water drainage in the washing machine. It costs 3 euros for every wash so I was forced to remove my still sticky clothes from a murky puddle of water, rinse them in my sink and watch ruefully as threateningly large puddles formed on my balcony.

This is the basement where washing comes to die

This is a man sitting on a dining chair, on the S-Bahn. Standard Monday eve commute.

I've also finally bought a duvet, and have very much enjoyed having a real bed again! That and the fact I have also signed up for Netflix (I am so late on the bandwagon it's embarrassing) and consequently have resumed my binging of Supernatural.

Fafel and halloumi sandwich + Sam and Dean = my kind of Saturday evening (I am such a loser)

Work wise, it was just me and J last week as S was ill. It was a little bit stressful at first, because J had a lot of German proofreading to do and so I had to pick up all the admin slack. But it was all fine, and by the end of the week I also had a few translations to do.Also, since I've been here, I've only had three serious anxiety attacks, which considering I have been here over a month, is damn good going. It just sucks a bit when they've happened at work. The girls are so kind about it though and check to make sure I've not actually climbed under the desk and tried to burrow to the centre of the earth,

This weekend I spent with myself which was actually quite nice! On Saturday, I just went for a walk around Friedrichshain, and wound up in that brilliant bookshop again and spent 3 euros on FIVE BOOKS. 3 EUROS ON FIVE BOOKS. Somebody stop me. I went to a flea market on Sunday and decided I desperately missed Niamh! I didn't buy anything, but I did thoroughly enjoy watching the hipsters squabbling over vintage polaroid cameras and gilets that had seen better days.

Carina is away in Hamburg from Tuesdays to Thursdays at the moment so I have the flat to myself tonight. I grilled some chicken (she's a vegetarian), played Kylie Minogue very loudly and went to the toilet with the door open. Not at the same time, mind.

This honestly was so much more delicious than it looks!

But she is so sweet. Last night, I came home to a note on my door telling me I could help myself to the rest of her noodles and home made sauce. A couple of Sundays ago, we went to Neue Heimat which is now closed forever! It's a food market off Warschauer Strasse, where you can eat Mexican street food and listen to techno at midday in a warehouse that's basically falling down.

Lastly, I received confirmation today that Lewis is coming to see me on the 30th October! So excited! Mum is coming on the 11th December AND I also just booked my flight home for Christmas! I've got a comfortable 10 days off, and will be inhaling the air of Stansted airport at 22.00 on the 18th December.

For now, I have a glass of wine and an episode of Supernatural to finish.

Laters xxx

Little victories

So I just found this in my drafts and apparently I never actually had the confidence to post it! So I am posting it now, over a year later. Better late than never eh!

It's actually fairly apt, as the last few days have been difficult. I think it is mainly just a delayed reaction to moving abroad again, but I spent most of Tuesday not very well. My vision was totally messed up and I couldn't concentrate or focus, my stomach hurt and I had heartburn and I had constant tears all day. An absolute mess! J was ever so lovely and kind though and kept making sure I was drinking plenty of water.

Back to the original post:


So this is a little bit of a different post this time!

People that are close to me will know that I've lived with anxiety for a long time. Less of you will know that that this month (July 2014) I can happily say I have been self-harm free for 4 years. I keep retweeting all these Time to Change things, yet I feel I've never really been that open myself. I made a pledge to stop the stigma, so now it's time I keep it. (You can make your pledge here). For now, I am sharing with you that although anxiety is something I have to live with, I am coping and I'm probably the healthiest now than I've been in a long time!

So, here are the the victories during the Year Abroad that have kept me going.

• being spontaneous and deciding to go to Munich
• being direct and making the first moves with friendships
• coping quickly with what could have become a full blown panic attack in Vienna
• not always being intimidated or anxious about making dinner in the communal kitchen in Paris
• learning to control my temper (because I am dealing with anxiety better, I am dealing with anger better too)
• being able to get dressed nearly every morning without becoming hysterical
• that time where I stayed out and missed the RER home and didn't panic (this was obviously after the time on my birthday where I, well, panicked)
• Although I barely slept the night before, I managed a presentation in French and didn't panic
• I survived for 3 and a bit months without seeing my mum, which I think has really, really toughened me up, and on dark days reminds me I can manage
• going online and putting myself out there to meet Tandem Partners
• dealing with triggering thoughts and feelings, and not giving in
• filling out CBT forms on a regular basis, so now I can do them in my head when a situation comes up
• going to Poland for the day, proving to myself that my anxiety won't stop me living´
• Dealing with the whole tooth issue without having a breakdown
• actually posting this post without editing it a hundred times and worrying what everyone will think

Though maybe trivial to some people, I'm proud of these little things. It all counts towards being more positive and able to cope!


There'll be a proper update soon.

Tschau xxxx

A month in: friends, falafel and finally online

Hello!

Since I have now been here a month today, and since I now have functioning internet at my flat, I thought it was time for another update.

Where to begin?

So Carina has now been here since last week and is indeed as lovely as I thought. We drunk a bottle of wine together last Friday night and got to know each other better, which was nice. She also asked if we could speak English at home so she can practice, which is actually quite nice because obviously I only speak German at the office and to my work colleagues so it's definitely relaxing to come home and speak English, especially after a particularly stressful day! She also brought a hoover with her (a fantastic Dyson nonetheless) so that is also a bonus!

The weekend before last (so the Saturday after I missed the internet bloke), I took myself off to the Neues Museum to see an Ancient Egyptian exhibit and promptly spent the entire day crooning around the rest of the Egyptian exhibits. It turned out to be the Lange Nacht der Museen which made me suddenly miss Sophie as we did that together last year!  I spent a good hour in the shop umming and ahhing over books. Needless to say, I eventually bought one and have considerably intensified my already swotty knowledge about the Pharaohs.

Creepiest comb ever?

"Exhibit being prepared". The pig was a fantastic touch.
Disproving the 'Germans aren't funny' theory one day a time.

This isn't Ancient Egyptian, but is still awesome, because it is a hat. A giant golden hat.

Moving on. Work has been hovering between so stressful I have almost cried and so slow that I've wanted to sleep on the desk. That said, it's going well and my confidence in German is increasing. Best part is, I have finally overcome my fear of speaking to clients on the phone! Though I have also had my fair share of client nightmares in the last week. I'll say this and this only: Google Translate.

The girls and I have been out for tea after work a couple of times which is nice and I am currently nursing a horrendous falafel food baby.

"Chicken Food" Are you sure that's what you mean?

S (one of the girls) and I went to a salsa night on Saturday, which was really surreal but fun. I also hit it off with one of her (German) friends. We went out Tuesday night and hopefully again on Saturday night, so we'll see.

Also, fairly sure that the German guy who lives downstairs is not a murderer. Haven't met up for a tandem talk with him yet, but he did message me yesterday so I should probably answer before he does indeed turn into a murderer. OKAY SO SECONDS AFTER I WROTE THAT he rang the bell. Now I feel bad. Going for coffee Saturday lunchtime. Also I am still alive, so I am going with 'not a murderer'.

And a final piece of news about my apparently flourishing social life: Lionel the French tandem partner! He answered my email about meeting up again so hopefully I will see him soon and go back to Italo and eat lots of cake like we used to.

For now I think I am going to catch up on Popstars! because there is nothing like German trash tv after a long day.

Laters xxxx