It's actually fairly apt, as the last few days have been difficult. I think it is mainly just a delayed reaction to moving abroad again, but I spent most of Tuesday not very well. My vision was totally messed up and I couldn't concentrate or focus, my stomach hurt and I had heartburn and I had constant tears all day. An absolute mess! J was ever so lovely and kind though and kept making sure I was drinking plenty of water.
Back to the original post:
So this is a little bit of a different post this time!
People that are close to me will know that I've lived with anxiety for a long time. Less of you will know that that this month (July 2014) I can happily say I have been self-harm free for 4 years. I keep retweeting all these Time to Change things, yet I feel I've never really been that open myself. I made a pledge to stop the stigma, so now it's time I keep it. (You can make your pledge here). For now, I am sharing with you that although anxiety is something I have to live with, I am coping and I'm probably the healthiest now than I've been in a long time!
So, here are the the victories during the Year Abroad that have kept me going.
- being spontaneous and deciding to go to Munich
- being direct and making the first moves with friendships
- coping quickly with what could have become a full blown panic attack in Vienna
- not always being intimidated or anxious about making dinner in the communal kitchen in Paris
- learning to control my temper (because I am dealing with anxiety better, I am dealing with anger better too)
- being able to get dressed nearly every morning without becoming hysterical
- that time where I stayed out and missed the RER home and didn't panic (this was obviously after the time on my birthday where I, well, panicked)
- Although I barely slept the night before, I managed a presentation in French and didn't panic
- I survived for 3 and a bit months without seeing my mum, which I think has really, really toughened me up, and on dark days reminds me I can manage
- going online and putting myself out there to meet Tandem Partners
- dealing with triggering thoughts and feelings, and not giving in
- filling out CBT forms on a regular basis, so now I can do them in my head when a situation comes up
- going to Poland for the day, proving to myself that my anxiety won't stop me living´
- Dealing with the whole tooth issue without having a breakdown
- actually posting this post without editing it a hundred times and worrying what everyone will think
Though maybe trivial to some people, I'm proud of these little things. It all counts towards being more positive and able to cope!
There'll be a proper update soon.
Tschau xxxx
