Little victories

So I just found this in my drafts and apparently I never actually had the confidence to post it! So I am posting it now, over a year later. Better late than never eh!

It's actually fairly apt, as the last few days have been difficult. I think it is mainly just a delayed reaction to moving abroad again, but I spent most of Tuesday not very well. My vision was totally messed up and I couldn't concentrate or focus, my stomach hurt and I had heartburn and I had constant tears all day. An absolute mess! J was ever so lovely and kind though and kept making sure I was drinking plenty of water.

Back to the original post:


So this is a little bit of a different post this time!

People that are close to me will know that I've lived with anxiety for a long time. Less of you will know that that this month (July 2014) I can happily say I have been self-harm free for 4 years. I keep retweeting all these Time to Change things, yet I feel I've never really been that open myself. I made a pledge to stop the stigma, so now it's time I keep it. (You can make your pledge here). For now, I am sharing with you that although anxiety is something I have to live with, I am coping and I'm probably the healthiest now than I've been in a long time!

So, here are the the victories during the Year Abroad that have kept me going.

• being spontaneous and deciding to go to Munich
• being direct and making the first moves with friendships
• coping quickly with what could have become a full blown panic attack in Vienna
• not always being intimidated or anxious about making dinner in the communal kitchen in Paris
• learning to control my temper (because I am dealing with anxiety better, I am dealing with anger better too)
• being able to get dressed nearly every morning without becoming hysterical
• that time where I stayed out and missed the RER home and didn't panic (this was obviously after the time on my birthday where I, well, panicked)
• Although I barely slept the night before, I managed a presentation in French and didn't panic
• I survived for 3 and a bit months without seeing my mum, which I think has really, really toughened me up, and on dark days reminds me I can manage
• going online and putting myself out there to meet Tandem Partners
• dealing with triggering thoughts and feelings, and not giving in
• filling out CBT forms on a regular basis, so now I can do them in my head when a situation comes up
• going to Poland for the day, proving to myself that my anxiety won't stop me living´
• Dealing with the whole tooth issue without having a breakdown
• actually posting this post without editing it a hundred times and worrying what everyone will think

Though maybe trivial to some people, I'm proud of these little things. It all counts towards being more positive and able to cope!


There'll be a proper update soon.

Tschau xxxx

A month in: friends, falafel and finally online

Hello!

Since I have now been here a month today, and since I now have functioning internet at my flat, I thought it was time for another update.

Where to begin?

So Carina has now been here since last week and is indeed as lovely as I thought. We drunk a bottle of wine together last Friday night and got to know each other better, which was nice. She also asked if we could speak English at home so she can practice, which is actually quite nice because obviously I only speak German at the office and to my work colleagues so it's definitely relaxing to come home and speak English, especially after a particularly stressful day! She also brought a hoover with her (a fantastic Dyson nonetheless) so that is also a bonus!

The weekend before last (so the Saturday after I missed the internet bloke), I took myself off to the Neues Museum to see an Ancient Egyptian exhibit and promptly spent the entire day crooning around the rest of the Egyptian exhibits. It turned out to be the Lange Nacht der Museen which made me suddenly miss Sophie as we did that together last year!  I spent a good hour in the shop umming and ahhing over books. Needless to say, I eventually bought one and have considerably intensified my already swotty knowledge about the Pharaohs.

Creepiest comb ever?

"Exhibit being prepared". The pig was a fantastic touch.
Disproving the 'Germans aren't funny' theory one day a time.

This isn't Ancient Egyptian, but is still awesome, because it is a hat. A giant golden hat.

Moving on. Work has been hovering between so stressful I have almost cried and so slow that I've wanted to sleep on the desk. That said, it's going well and my confidence in German is increasing. Best part is, I have finally overcome my fear of speaking to clients on the phone! Though I have also had my fair share of client nightmares in the last week. I'll say this and this only: Google Translate.

The girls and I have been out for tea after work a couple of times which is nice and I am currently nursing a horrendous falafel food baby.

"Chicken Food" Are you sure that's what you mean?

S (one of the girls) and I went to a salsa night on Saturday, which was really surreal but fun. I also hit it off with one of her (German) friends. We went out Tuesday night and hopefully again on Saturday night, so we'll see.

Also, fairly sure that the German guy who lives downstairs is not a murderer. Haven't met up for a tandem talk with him yet, but he did message me yesterday so I should probably answer before he does indeed turn into a murderer. OKAY SO SECONDS AFTER I WROTE THAT he rang the bell. Now I feel bad. Going for coffee Saturday lunchtime. Also I am still alive, so I am going with 'not a murderer'.

And a final piece of news about my apparently flourishing social life: Lionel the French tandem partner! He answered my email about meeting up again so hopefully I will see him soon and go back to Italo and eat lots of cake like we used to.

For now I think I am going to catch up on Popstars! because there is nothing like German trash tv after a long day.

Laters xxxx

Stupid stupid Internet technicians and how I tried to climb down the phone and strangle them

As you may have guessed by the title, I am still without an Internet connection.

Yesterday I rang the company to confirm that the technician could give me 30 minutes notice before he turned up so that I could leave work and get home in time.

Not difficult right? Well. The technician rings me to tell me he is outside the flat. Lovely, cheers mate!

Earliest appointment I can get now is the 7th September!!

I thought Germany was supposed to be so technologically efficient? I mean, I just don't understand why I can't just buy the modem, take it home and bloody start using it?!

By the time I get online, I will have waited a month.

All I want to do is Skype people :-(

Such is life.

But if that wasn't enough today, I also had to go over like a hundred pages of a Chinese document to check it had all been translated and formatted correctly. So when I saw that the translator hadn't once translated the word 'frage' I almost screamed. Word's find and replace function didn't work.

On the way home now and if there is not a pint in my hands within the next hour I will not be responsible for my actions.

Later x

Sent from my Sony Xperia™ smartphone

Internet Cafe Life

Hello!

I can't believe that my first week at work has gone so quickly! Although incredibly surreal, it's really great to be back. I really do feel privileged that not only do I live in the city I love, but that I also love my job.

This is the actual life! Apart from the horsefly bite, of course.

Pettenkofer Straße

Anyway. I am still waiting on the internet to be set up (next Friday!) and I am sat in an internet cafe writing this! Apparently that's how much of a loser I am.

But you'll be pleased to hear that the two other girls at the office are lovely, and last night we went out for dinner after work together. They are funny and helpful, and seem to find my English habits highly amusing. S already knows there is no point asking what tea I want, because the answer is always black, mit Milch. There's already been hilarity r.e. jobs, but I think it wouldn't be funny for anyone else and it would take too long to explain so I won't bore you.

Weirdly, the conversation at dinner turned to, well, mental health. Which I was a bit unnverved by, but it wasn't awkward at all. J saw my tattoo on my wrist, and S asked me if it was to do with self-harm. It was actually so refreshing to be able to say yes and not feel in any way judged by my past!

As for the flat, I am still on my jack there but only until next Sunday! On Monday, I got in from work, went to unlock my bedroom and got the absolute fright of my life when the other bedroom opened next to me. Her name is Carina, she's from Lower  Bavaria and seems very sweet. Also, she brought tonnes of stuff with her so my need to buy stuff for the kitchen has drastically lowered. She doesn't start work until September so only came to unpack.

ALSO, a bloke knocked on the door on Tuesday night looking for Carina (already? bit creepy). She obviously wasn't here and he started talking to me. Somehow, I agreed to be tandem partners with him and he went away. Then he came back five minutes later with his phone number. Okay. So he is either just very friendly and desperate to practice English, or he is a murderer. It remains to be seen.

Looking forward to actually hanging out with these people! 

Bis später

xoxo

Allet jute aus Berlin

Four days in and everything is looking good so far. Apart from the fact that the apartment was like, bare. Sure it's furnished, but I've had to spend the last couple of days kitting it out. A kettle was obviously the first priority. It really is lovely though, and I love my balcony. Note to self: buy a plant of some sort!

View from my balcony

I registered on Tuesday and my goodness what a kerfuffle. I ended up going to the Ordnungsamt instead of the Bürgeramt. So instead of trying to register myself I was in fact attempting to register a trade. Make your jokes now.

I managed to order my internet but now it's a case of waiting for the installation, which sod's law guarantees will be when I start work.

In other news, I have been watching a lot of TV (to practice, I tell myself but really it's because it's too hot and I'm lazy). Current favourites are: a programme about family problems. The last one I watched was about a man whose family were worrying about his health because he took part in schnitzel-eating competitions. The other fave is Adam sucht Eva. Basically it's a bit like our Love Island except everyone is butt naked. It's strangely fascinating.

My new favourite thing in the entire world

I'm sitting in Köllnischer Park feeling rather disappointed, as I came here to see the Berlin Bears but they aren't out. There's only one left and last I heard it was possible that it might be put down. Poor dear. 

Bears?

I'm enjoying time to wander around and soak up some sun before work on Monday!

Bis später x

I have arrived... well only at the airport

Hallo Leute,

So in true Kirsty fashion I got my arrival time in Berlin wrong and so am running over an hour early for my key pickup. I spoke to the caretaker and we agreed I would wait at the airport until he calls me back... So here I am, all excited to see my new flat and I am perched on a bench outside Schoenefeld clutching at my hideously large bags. I'm blogging from email and attached a picture from this morning but god knows if it worked...

Aside from all that, the flight was fine. I did end up sitting in seat A when I should have been in seat C and consequently was on edge for most of the time. Maybe when the German teacher in Mean Girls yelled "Stay in your assigned seat" I took it too personally...

Here's hoping I leave the airport soon!

Ciao xo

Return of the Worrywart

Greetings! It's been a disgraceful amount of time since I updated this blog but quite frankly I didn't have much to write about really. Well, I went away for a week in Cornwall but that's not abroad so  I didn't think it should count... would the Cornish disagree? Anyway, fortunately that has all changed!

I'd begun to worry about what I was going to do after graduation, and after a few job applications it was looking like I was going to be hanging around Chelmsford for a while before doing a Masters next September. I'd been in contact with the company I worked for in Berlin during the Year Abroad but it wasn't looking like there would be any room for me.

The obligatory photo

Happily I was wrong and I am going back to work for them for a year! I've managed to find somewhere to live which is a relief, as obviously I was beginning to worry about that as well. It's a room in a shared flat, but not the same as last time, i.e. it's not someone's home and so I am not as concerned that I will be walking into a nest of criminals.

The only thing left to do now is the usual running around to see people before I leave and the dreaded packing...although this time I am taking two suitcases.

Time to make some lists!

Back soon x