22 Things I've learnt about Paris.

1. The green man means nothing to Parisian drivers. Learn to say 'putain, c'est vert!' and you might just avoid getting run over.

2. Most Parisians seem to have got their driving license from a joke shop. 3 point turns on roundabouts, reversing all the way down a street, parking on a corner, parking over a crossing.... Parking bumper to bumper is not unusual. Can't get out of your parking space? Tough.

3. When street hawkers approach you rattling mini eiffel towers or trying to fix bracelets on your wrists, don't speak English. Or, just don't speak and run away.

4.  People don't tend to pick up dog poo. And a lot of Parisians have dogs.

5. Be prepared to pack your bags as fast as you can at the supermarket because the cashier will not wait until you've moved your stuff to start serving the next person. Much more importantly, if there is no 'next customer' separator  thing, wait your turn otherwise the cashier will just scan your stuff with someone elses.

6. Sometimes the train driver apparently just decides he's not stopping at your stop. He will announce this, but in a very crackly way. Who cares if you end up four stops from home?

7. You can open the doors of metros and RER's while they're still moving. Balance and timing is essential.

8. Men will call after you, ask for your number, compliment you ridiculously (I look like Madonna apparently) and make horrendous amounts of eye contact on public transport. If you're super lucky, they might even follow you down the street.

9. Listening to your iPod on the Metro? Vigorously bop your head and mouth the words, it's okay.

10. Metro stations have more than one exit. Be prepared to be miles away from your intended destination if you make the wrong choice.

11. Fresh milk doesn't exist here (Well, I haven't found it yet!). Get used to everything UHT or 'raw' milk which is completely untreated and straight from the cow.

12. You're eating dinner at 6? What are you, an animal? Dinner doesn't happen here until at least 8pm.

13. The need for personal space isn't really understood here. Oh you wanted to sit outside a cafe? Be prepared for someone to sit so close to you that your arms touch every time you pick up your drink.

14. Always respond when someone greets you! (You should do this anywhere you live, to be fair...)

15. Ca va is not equivalent to 'alright?'. If you're not interested in a conversation, don't say it.

16. Buy a big long scarf. Since I've been wearing my scarf, more and more people seem to think I belong here.

17. Getting the attention of a waiter is quite difficult. Decide you want a drink well in advance of being really thirsty.

18. American tourists are the worst tourists (well nearly all the ones I've seen). They call everything 'cute', order food obnoxiously, mispronounce all the signs and wonder why even I don't have a clue what they're talking about and they call everything 'cute'. So annoying it needed mentioning twice.

19. Although the metro is very good, walk as much as you can if you have the time. There's always something to see.

20. They don't sell single chocolate bars in smaller supermarkets. Use vending machines, newsagents or if you're feeling cheeky, buy a pack of 3 Mars Bars for 2.00. They're half the size, by the way.

21. It's not a stereotype that French people walk around with baguettes under their arms. They really do.

23. Avoid FNAC at all costs unless you have a lot of time to waste, endless patience and spare deodorant in your bag.

Bonus: Paris is ridiculously beautiful at night, everything is gold, even the river.

It should be night all the time.

Crying, sprinting, puking, climbing - lots of extreme verbs this week

Salut tout le monde! I've now been here a month and am now a 21 year old honorary Parisian. My birthday weekend was brilliant and I'm so pleased Lewis came to visit. We've now been tolerating each other for six years, and here's to sixty more!

I love you man

The beginning of the week was spent in a constant state of excitement and impatience. I realised that our uni is really close to the Jardin du Luxembourg, thanks to Niamh who took me there on Tuesday afternoon. I really need to stop taking the metro everywhere and walk. On Wednesday, I had a German presentation on Til Schweiger, which went down an absolute treat actually. I've been a bit concerned about my German, but after a few grammar lessons and that presentation, I feel much better and even managed a whole conversation in German with Joachim and Polymnia tonight. Granted, it was about chocolate but it counts, okay?

I have finally eaten some pie! It's been pretty impossible to find something even slightly resembling a steak and kidney pie here, but thanks to Joe, there was pie. Took us about three hours to cook (what is it with blokes and instructions) but it was so damn good. 

This is actually a gross picture, but it was really nice

I spent Friday wandering around Paris waiting for Lewis to arrive. I've found my new favourite shop: Freepstar. It is fantastic. I bought 2 shirts and 3 jumpers for 5 euros. I think it's my new home. Anyway, Friday was a bit of a nightmare actually because guess what? The RER B was on strike. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot. Me and Lewis had to come home super early because the trains were all messed up, nice one.

So my actual birthday was Saturday and I'm pretty privileged to have spent it by the Eiffel Tower, Sacre Couer and the Arc de Triomphe. Sacre Coeur was absolutely beautiful and well worth the climb- the view of the city from the top is actually breathtaking.

I should climb stuff more often

We had a couple of beers in an Irish pub round the corner from Sacre Coeur, where a very jolly french man played the accordion and sang 'champs elysees' and 'la vie en rose'. It was pretty French and I loved it. We were supposed to be meeting Joe at the Arc de Triomphe but we were so late, mainly because Lewis needed the toilet and I lost him in a crowd. Both my phones were dead, so I had no way of contacting them. After sprinting through the tunnel to the arch (yes, you read sprinting correctly), I asked this French man if I could use his phone. I must have told him it was an English number about 20 times, but it was all okay and we all found each other and started my birthday celebrations looking at a glittery Eiffel Tower. Pas mal!

Why do I always tilt my head like this?

We headed over to Saint Michel (which is fast becoming my favourite part of Paris, I always seem to be there) and had too many pints at a bar called Polly Magoo or something. Lewis and Joe clubbed together and bought me a white rose, which I lost later :(

It's my birthday, I'll look insane if I want to

I'm a camera hog, soz

I was worried (of course I was) about how we were going to get home as we'd long missed the RER and I had no idea how much a taxi would be, but it turned out to be 17 euros! Perfect.

Unfortunately, I spent the next morning feeling a little worse for wear and actually ended up throwing up against a tree on the way to the train station. Stay classy, Kirsty. Lewis and I did have a nice day though and ended the evening with a beer at a gay bar in le Marais. Of course we did!

I left Lewis wandering on his own today while I was at uni, and collected him afterwards. We just wandered around again, had another beer, lost Lewis' tabacco and very nearly missed his train. My room is far too empty now :(

On the brighter side of things, I HAVE A TOASTER. It was my birthday present from Joe, what a diamond. No more fried crumpets for me!

FRIED EGG ON TOAST HERE I COME

I apologise for the capitals, but maybe you don't understand. I haven't had toast in a month. That isn't right.

I also have a little job, go me right. The woman at reception here wants me to help her with her English and is going to pay me 10 euros an hour, I am actually so grateful for this!

Sadly, it's back to the real world in the morning, no more romping around Paris with my bezzer. C'est la vie.

Excusez moi, I'm full of phlegm.

 Another week has gone already in la belle France and I think I've actually become quite used to this place. There are obviously still some things that I just cannot get my head around (why do I have no oven? why can I not find lined paper?  why was there a man with a potty on his head the other day?) but for the most part, I'm settled now.

I've even been to the pharmacy and coughed all over them to visually demonstrate my illness ( I lack the vocabulary to say 'I'm going to cough up my lung'). On my second trip today, yes second, I came away with some intriguing tablets. I didn't read the instructions and so very nearly ended up choking to death outside the bakery. Turns out you have to melt them on your tongue...oops. 

The tablets that nearly took my life in broad daylight

I'm also loving the Navigo pass and I can't help sneering a little bit at the groups of tourists that fumble around the ticket barriers. Oh, les pauvres.

I'm still having name issues, but to be honest I think everyone is. I've taken to telling them my name is Marie in Starbucks. Smiles all round.

wow

On Monday after Uni, Joe and I trekked around the famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery, which was really interesting, apart from inappropriate fits of giggles (blamed on me) and very nearly crashing a funeral. We saw Oscar Wilde's and Jim Morrison's graves, which was....quite odd really, as well as loads of other ones, it was fascinating and a little bit freaky.

'it's too morbid'

Uni is going well though, apart from the amount of work, but I actually do quite enjoy it - considering I want to be a translator. The only things I don't enjoy are a)presentations, I feel sick thinking about it and b) French keyboards. Seriously, it took me like 5 minutes to write two sentences. I was almost hysterical trying to Google and Niamh had to help! 

On Wednesday night, I met Hannah at the Louvre and then we went to meet some of her English friends at a bar called Earth's Kitchen. Cocktails were 3 euros, which is pretty mental for Paris. Throw in a couple of free shots and some wine and I decided that I'd definitely missed the last RER and was crashing at Hannah's. While we were there, singing to Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake (I KNOW), I bumped into someone I went to primary and secondary school with!! We were just screaming at each other, both equally quite freaked out.

Hannah and a very creepy drawing on the street

I woke up at Hannah's in the early hours coughing my guts up and she kindly suggested I take myself outside for some air....and then I locked myself out for an hour. Sitting in a Parisian courtyard at 4am in October with no socks or jacket on, is not something I recommend. Hannah eventually rescued me and I was on the Metro at 5.30, high-tailing it back to Cachan and my bed.

For now, I'm going to enjoy some more of Agatha Christie's Mort sur le Nile and eat a croissant. A bientot!

Hello my name is Kirsty, but you can call me Kristy

Salut! My my, the last seven days have been busy and apart from the slight inconvenience of a chesty cough, I've loved (nearly) every minute. I am, however, sorry to inform you all that I STILL don't have a duvet. But I do have a nice blanket and it's been hot here the last few days so it's not been too bad.

On Saturday, I went with Leah and her friend to an exhibition at the Netherlands Institute. I rarely do stuff like that, so it was good to go and get some culture! Spending the afternoon with two Frenchies was also excellent practice, even if we did just laugh at the more peculiar stuff. I think I probably said, 'Oui, c'est fascinant' too many times. I also had to explain why I was giggly at the name 'Hieronymus Cock'.

A rather horrifying engraving by Mr.Cock

Agathe, Leah et moi

Lessons started on Monday and I actually managed to get myself there without some ridiculous incident, I know right? The first lesson was about note-taking for interpreters. I was totally lost, considering I'd never done anything like that before and we have to take the time to learn our own personal symbols....it's like shorthand, but more diabolical. Then I had a German grammar lesson which went reasonably well and was relieved that it was taught in German. I don't think I could deal with somebody teaching me German grammar in French...

Doing my homework on the first day, keeno

The following morning, I woke up feeling like someone had run over my head with a truck. I figured soup would be a great idea so I went to Simply and was wandering around for at least ten minutes before I found any. It was in all cartons. So not right. Got into Uni for 2, which was a French class for us Erasmus people and it was all well and good until the teacher asked for an info sheet on all of us - including our permanent address in England and our phone numbers?! She also wants a picture of each of us...fuck that! Is she an identity thief or something? So weird! By the end of the next lesson (English to French translation) that afternoon, I was absolutely done and ready for my strange cartonned soup and my bed.

Wednesday was marginally better; after my German to French translation lesson (kill me, right) a lovely French girl called Rachel invited me to eat at MacDonalds with her friends. I felt very sorry for the soggy sandwich in my rucksack, but hey ho. I am also feeling sorry for my name, most of the french people call me 'Kristy' or 'Keerrrsty'. Oh well.  Then I metro'd back to the other building for French- English translation and decided I absolutely love the teacher. He reminds me a bit of Hannibal Lecter, but I'll just not think about that. Me and a guy from Edinburgh (an amusing mec called Joe), had a German oral lesson next and CAN I JUST SAY, my new favourite thing is French people speaking in German. They struggle with the 'h' and 'sch' so much and it makes me feel better about myself.

After class, we tried buy a vocab book that we needed for German, so into FNAC we go. It was honestly just one of the worst shops I've ever been in. The books are on the fourth floor, we find the book in a complete disorganised mess and have to queue to ask for another one. Wrong queue. Next queue, no book. Order instore? Oh no. So, no tills on the top floor, so went all the way back down again and there were only 3 tills open and about 20 people in each queue. We were in the queue for half an hour. Joe thought a fox was a goat, so I think that says it all about exhaustion really.

Yesterday was homework day. At least, half of it was, until Hannah text and I met her at Uni to sign up for integration weekend. It's 180 euros, jesus h, but I'm hoping it will be worth it! We then paid a visit to the Conciergerie, which was morbidly fascinating. I didn't quite have the guts to touch a guillotine blade but I did have a good old chuckle at Prince Napoleon's request for a foot massage.

The reconstruction of Marie Antoinette's Cell. Shat myself.

We also paid a visit to Saint Chapelle, which is honestly one of the most beautiful places I have ever set foot in.

My camera does not do this place any justice

And now, we come to today, which was spent up the Eiffel Tower and in Marks and Spencers with Joe and Niamh, also from Edinburgh. We walked to the second floor (needless to say, I wanted to well, not) and then got the lift all the way to the top. Niamh was quite calm, but me and Joe were a mess! The lift made my ears pop, it was so hot and sticky and crowded and the top deck is so small. But the views were definitely worth it!

From the top, North Paris...maybe?

trying not to soil ourselves

Tomorrow will not be as fun, unfortunately. 9.30- 12.30 compulsory seminar for our note taking class. If I don't get a good job after Uni, someone is getting sued.

Assimilation almost complete

Bon soir! All is well here in the land of the snail, I have my timetable and student card now, and am pretty much ready to start my term at ISIT on Monday...at 8am. Why me? Anyway, it's not been all plain sailing this week. On Wednesday, I was almost an hour late meeting Hannah at the Louvre because I got ridiculously lost when I got out of the Metro. On the upside, I found the Mona Lisa on my first attempt this time. It's also amazing to be be able to get into these places for free, being an 18-26 year old EU resident. Sweet.

The Louvre Pyramid at night

It was quite a cultured evening, until I stole a lighter from a tourist shop on the way back to the RER station. I was desperate for a lighter and there was no one around so I just thought, okay. But, for those of you who are appalled by this, you'll be reassured that karma really does exist - the lighter didn't work.

The following day was even worse. We had our Uni meetings (so it was just Hannah and I for Nottingham) , so I navigated myself to rue Cassette which is our main building, for 11. After running around, being asked if I was there for an exam (?!), I asked reception where I should be. rue de Pondichery, you say? Oh right, well that's in another arrondissement and 4 metro stops away. I was close to tears at one point, oh dear. I finally got there and it was all tickety-boo, but that morning was my first real oh-my-god-this-is-the-end-of-the-world that I've had here so far.

View from the 6th floor of main uni building!

Enough tales of woe, last night I climbed the Arc de Triomphe (for free!) and that was beautiful. It was supposed to be an Erasmus trip and Hannah and I did meet up with them....but then they left? It was just me, Hannah and another girl called Hannah on the top. Never mind, we stayed until it was dark and then strolled down Champs-Elysees. Classy birds.

view from the top - 284 steps!

I like cheesy bridge photos, okay?

I also managed to open a bank account yesterday, the only issue being he thought I was Irish (because he asked about my surname and my passport cover has Eire and the harp on it) and very nearly wrote it on my account details. Oops. He said my French was good, well yes I should hope so, considering I slipped a cheeky subjunctive in there! I've also finally sorted myself a Navigo pass, thanks to Eleanor's assistance, yay! I shall be a true Parisian from Monday.

NO MORE TINY TICKETS FOR MOI

Couettes, baguettes and a whole lot of billets

It's been a week now since I left good old Angleterre and I'm still functioning without a duvet, who would have thought? Carrefour still don't have any and it's the only place I've found in Cachan that has the shelf space for them. I even asked today. Another night of sleeping in my thermals, but at least I have a pillow, even if it is square and twice the size of my head.

Carrefour did provide me with some amusement on Saturday though, in the form of a man angrily throwing his baguettes onto the conveyor belt. Couldn't get more French than that really, can you? That very same day, I signed up for a choir at that forum des associations I mentioned. I was quite proud of conducting the whole thing in French, until the man thought I was German. Why? I don't get it.

the choir...youngest one? Okay.

I met up with Hannah on Thursday, who's from Nottingham too and is going to ISIT, so it was nice to see an English face! We did a bit of sightseeing; Marché aux Puces, Louvre courtyard and to the Conciergerie. We were so excited for this, because they were handing out free tickets at the door, but when we got inside, it was fini and we could only wander around the main hall. Oh well. We decided that we'd come back when there are less tourists! We did find the Shakespeare and Company Bookshop! It was beautiful and I will be going back there, definitely.

Cheesy photo on Pont Neuf, grâce à Hannah

We ventured to ISIT yesterday, as we weren't sure whether we had a meeting or not that day, no. No, that meeting was not for us and it lasted three hours. Oh well, at least we know where we're going next time! It is a lovely place as well, so it wasn't an afternoon wasted. I have an appointment with the Bank on Thursday at 3 and I've just signed up to visit the Arc de Triomphe with Erasmus Paris, yay, look me, with plans and stuff.

I've also decided I need a Navigo Pass for the RER and Metro. It's only like 4◘ for there and back, but it's just going to stack up. There are used tickets in nearly all of my pockets and floating around the bottom of my handbag. Sigh.

Suddenly, I'm finding it easier to talk to people, which is a relief. I now know two Germans, Joachim and Nina (YES!), a Greek/German called Polymnia who can't speak English so I spoke to her completely in French (I impressed myself that night, I can tell you), a really nice French girl called Leah, two Spanish girls called Maria and Ines and an Egyptian called Malo. I'm so continental.

Salut tout le monde!

I think I can safely say I'm pretty settled now, I know my way around, I'm all good with the train ticket machines (today, I even started to get annoyed with slow people in front of me! Am I a local?!) and apart from not making any French amis yet, I'm good. I was a bit sad on the first night, naturally, but I've got a bit less fearful and am trying my best to just get on with it.

There are two things that I'm still hopelessly confused by though. 1) Why the hell are there no LINED notepads/workbooks here?!!?! It's all this strange graph paper stuff and 2) phone rates. As most of you know, I'm able to survive pretty well by myself but when it comes to stuff like that....I'm like a rat in a maze.


I ventured into Paris on Tuesday afternoon and got off at Gare du Nord, stupid really as there's not much touristy around there. I did, however, see a little homeware shop (Dad, if you're reading this, it was like Ray's) and decided to go in and ask if they had any small kettles. (There are no kettles in my accommodation, so I'm having to make tea in the microwave.) So this conversation was all going very well and I was so pleased he understood me, until he took me downstairs and gave me a packet of small, plastic spoons. Well then. I was so embarrassed, I just paid for the spoons and left! Turned out I'd mixed up cuillère with bouilloire. Basically, what I did, right, I went into a shop and asked for a small spoon.

A very peculiar kettle

Anyway, the rest of the afternoon was nice and I actually tried a macaroon (favourite is pistachio, so far) so that's one thing crossed off the bucket list. When I got back to Cachan, the market was still on so I ordered a café au lait s'il vous plaît and watched the world go by for a while. While I was eating my strange microwaved sausage for dinner, I met a Swedish girl called Eleanor. She's really nice and I've bumped into her a couple of times since. She can't speak French though, and considering I only know how to say things like 'salmon, thank you, grandad' in Swedish, we have to speak in English. Damn.

The people here are all really polite though, they all say bonjour/bonsoir when you pass them, I'm just yet to have a conversation with one of them...though I did work up the courage to ask a girl in the kitchen if she was French. She is in fact Spanish and cannot speak French. Do I see a pattern emerging? She seems nice though and laughed when I awkwardly said 'Hola' and dropped my tea towel. 

Yesterday was progress on the language side of things though! I was posting a card for my sister but realised I needed 5 euros in coins and I only had a note, so I dashed across to the newsagents and asked for change. I didn't even think about it! This is a pretty big deal for me; usually I stand outside a shop for like 5 mins planning what I have to say.

A bit of Cachan, bit like Stratford or sumfink

I attempted to wake up early today, but I still can't quite manage it. Maybe it's the time difference, instead of waking up at 7.45, it's actually 6.45 for my body...hmm, maybe I'm just very fatiguée. Anyway, I headed into Paris again, only takes about 10/15 mins, so that's amazing! I got off at Saint-Michel Notre Dame, and boom, there it was. I've seen it before, but it was actually more impressive this time. Go figure.

Moi, taken by some very nice Chinese people #foreveralone

I was going to try and find the Shakespeare and Company bookshop, but I ended up wandering around St.Germain for like, an hour? Then I crossed the river again and completely lost sight of Notre Dame. I was like, quoi? And that's how I ended up walking aimlessly for about 2 hours until I admitted defeat and Metro'd it from Republique to Opera and walked down Rue de la Paix. That road is dripping with money. Seriously, someone needs to inform Dick Whittington. This led onto the Place Vendôme, et voila, CHANEL.

Oui, I went in!

I sat in Jardin des Tuileries for a bit, caught a few glimpses of the le Louvre, before heading to Place de la Concorde. I was morbidly excited to see where the guillotine stood. Thrilling stuff. Standing there, you could see the top half of the Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe in the distance. But today, it was misty and raining. 

A very misty Arc de Triomphe

I eventually made it back to Notre Dame where I rounded the day off nicely with a 5 euro coffee. Indeed. Tomorrow, I'm going to the forum des associations down the road, where I'm hoping to sign up for some clubs and meet some interesting characters. Hoping!